Monday 19th September 2011

Yesterday morning Helen was not good at all. Barely responsive to me. A few words for my friend Dave who was there with me - as he said her urge to be social and socially appropriate seemed to kick in! Sadly one of the things she managed to convey was that she was "not ok" but could not tell us how or where. Breathing through her mouth which seemed dry but not able to swallow water let alone food. She was hot to the touch so we took off her blanket and asked the nurses to check her temperature - 37.6 degrees so I asked could they please give her PR panadol regularly. As she has been on IV antibiotics for 5 days or so I guess this either means she has something new or they are not really working. I found it upsetting to see her yesterday - my emotional reserves for responding to this rollercoaster are thoroughly depleted. Thank you to those who have sent messages and phoned and my apologies for lack of response - I just didn't really feel like talking about it yesterday. As far as I can see the idea of her moving to Brisbane seems pretty unlikely so I imagine Louis will probably come up again this week which will be nice for Helen. Partly as he is not working up here but partly as he is coping better than me at the moment he is able to spend much longer periods of time at her bedside than I can and there are certainly still times where she appreciates that. In the last week her friends Kaye, Shirley, Lil, Bilha and Jo have all spent some time with her. Sensual pleasures such as massage and reading to her are still enjoyed. The nurses told me that the day before (Saturday) and also on Sunday night (yesterday) she was much more with it and able to enjoy being read some poetry and to eat a cool mango. I haven't seen her when she has been good for about 6 days - either my timing is off or I'm wearing the opposite of rose-coloured glasses - but it's good to hear that it does happen sometimes (even if only with others). She mentions Dorothy often who is back in Sydney but would love to be more in touch with Helen. Alas telephone communication really doesn't work very well with her at the moment. In my current life schedule I am supposed to leave for a conference in Canberra on Tuesday the 27th and then start on the annual leave plus other conference time that leads up to my birthday celebration in Natimuk plus the Natimuk Frinj and then a short trip overseas. Certainly the initial conference is flexible/cancel-able and so is the beginning of my leave but I am fairly determined to follow through with plans as they stand for my birthday and Frinj. Anyway, as I have observed before this whole experience is a lesson in taking one day at a time so we will see what happens next. Family members reading this - I apologise again for being out of contact. Visitors are welcome and I will endeavour to be more available for phone catch-ups in the next few days.